I turn my back for five months and y’all elect a textbook narcissist with active rape allegations against him, dismantle key components of the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), flirt with starting World War III …

If you wanted my attention, all you had to do was ask. No need to set the world on fire.

With today’s House vote to replace ACA with its evil Bizarro Universe counterpart Trumpcare 2.0 — in which almost anything related to being female is labeled a pre-existing condition (and just for kicks throw in sexual assault and domestic violence) — this seems like the right time for me to get back to shouting into the internet. You’re welcome.

I’m going to jump right over Nov. 8, because what we really don’t need is another election post-mortem. I had a sneaking suspicion that we might get our hearts broken because America does not usually…